I know. Anytime the word “Cheat” is mentioned, my ladies jump to it – (The guys are going to be roasted again). But no, this time around we are going to learn why we are cheating and why we are being cheated on.
My English dictionary defines cheat as “To violate rules in order to gain advantage form a situation”. And in a relationship – “To be unfaithful to one’s spouse or partner”. This tells me that cheating is not only centered on sexual activities, it could even be financial – I know people who don’t take their pay slips home, yet they point fingers at others having sexual activities behind their partners. Anytime you defy the rules of your union to your advantage it’s cheating.
First of all let me justify this in block letters before I proceed, “CHEATING SHOULD NEVER BE JUSTIFIED”. There is no tangible reason why anyone SHOULD cheat
Now that we all have an idea as to what actually we mean by “cheating”, let’s start thinking about why it happens. I could be limiting myself to the sexual side of cheating in relationships. One thing we all need to know is that we could be causing our partners to cheat. No one was born good or bad, it’s the environment that changes us. And you could be part of that environment that changes them.
Lack of Sex: Never mind, you all say it-“For Men no matter how you treat them they will still cheat”. It’s not true, do your homework well. Some ladies give in all the partner wants in the early stages of the relationship then once they have got their partners in the mud they begin to drag their feet. One of my ‘exs’ told me “when we get married I won’t always give it to you like you get it now o”. Y’all ladies think same way, after they get the ring and name most of the attitudes change. FYI they married you for who you were at the time, if he knew from the unset you weren’t going to give in he might not have paid that price. Start to think of buying a phone at circle and going home to realize its wood, same scenario.
Sexual dissatisfaction: Basically its starts here. When your children don’t get enough food at home they will step out, even your dog. So don’t expect your partner to see all the fine features on others in town and come to sleep with empty stomach. The problem here is, 90% of the time we marry people with different sexual preferences. One will like it more than the other, in the initial stages you all try to be on same level. After y’all have pretended enough the real attitude sets in. Your partner is cheating because he/she wants to give you that sex space you want. Men feel the ego of not always begging for sex, ladies feel they are not supposed to initiate sex else they look bad. Therefore before he/she wants it 3 times a week and he is getting it 3 times a month, he/she is taking food supplements.
Emotional dissatisfaction: Your partner is having an emotional gap. The nice “convo” are lost, the nice words, the “I love you(s)”, “I bought ice cream for you on my way from work”, “let me escort you to the saloon”, the welcome kiss you give him when he arrives home and start taking off his shirt – are gone. One thing is, if you can’t continue to the end you don’t start it. What you bring up your child with, is what he gets stuck to. And especially for ladies they always want to hear those nice words, want to feel proud about their guys, want everyone to know they have the best guy in the world and all that so once another person is giving them all that attention that you are supposed to give them they are likely to cheat. It could not be sexual, but they will steal time off you to go hear those nice words and feel loved. Guys hate nags, I know rich people who hang around after work till around 11pm before going home. If this person gets a safe hands, he will fall in. If you always using abusive words on your partner and attacking them, sometimes assaults, you should know there is always an arm ready to hold them.
Peer Pressure: We used to say “Boys will forever be boys”. Now I can also say “girls will forever be girls”. From a personal experience, my boys used to play a bet with me and I’m not used to losing so I play to win. Young guys always want to feel smart, they are tempted to have more than one girlfriend (gf) and yet not be caught. Some ladies fancy the lifestyle of their friends. They don’t have a boyfriend (bf) that could give them that lifestyle but they love them. They cheat. Let’s say that is for people below the ages of 25. There are some married people, especially the men, who fall for this. For my “Papa Jesus” people, they could not exploit a lot growing. Or because they couldn’t wear the nice shirts and shoes as a kid they were stuck. So even after marriage, now they have the money and everything nice, when they see their unmarried men exploiting. They could be tempted, Yeesssss its very true.
Sex Preference: This could have been in the first point but it’s very important, I mean very important so I decided to separate and dissect it well. Let’s say you are married to a guy who wants about 30 mins of fore-play and 10 mins of action, but you are the “5 mins action then we sleep” type. Let’s say you the guy needs the woman to be on top at a point in the movie but this lady is barely even able to raise her legs. Let’s say you are the lady who wants it hardcore and dirty but married to “Papa Jesus”-no mouth job. Let’s say you the man wants to always hear the sound of the engine to know how well the fuel is going through the pipes but the lady sleeps and watch a Chinese movies. Ahaaaaa now you have the picture right. Marriages are collapsing because of this. I will have a different material to talk about the mistakes we do in preparing for our relationships. This could be why your partner is cheating, you are not giving him or her exactly how it should be so though she is satisfied, at the end she misses her ex-bf/gf.
Wrong Partner: I had this problem as a young boy. We must admit that the people we are dating now don’t have even about 60% of what attributes our dream partner should have (it’s rare). But in one way or the other, we find some of the essentials we need so we move ahead with them. Perhaps you are the type that loves thick tall dark African man, the muscles and veins on the arms is nothing to do away with, hair on the broad chest and some fine beard. Even if he doesn’t have a job you are prepared to eat the beauty, drink water on it and sleep. But you got one like myself, short, round in shape, no mustache or beard, some dry hair, the complexing “sef be some way” and doesn’t even have that flex in him. But he has the ‘000s and he has the kind of job your dream guy should have, and at least for how slow he is you know he won’t cheat on you so you moved on with him. When the guy with all the featured you wanted earlier comes your way it’s difficult to let them go, you blush over seeing them, you crash on them every day and sometimes have a good time with them in your dreams. Vice versa for guys. You don’t want to cheat but you feel some comfort around them. If they are hard and persistent you could end up doing what you don’t want to do and yet not feel bad about it.
Family Pressure: So simple to understand. You are not able to make babies with your wife, your mum wants a grandchild, she will push you to make babies outside your marriage if she doesn’t have strong religious belief. Your family could tempt you when the babies are not coming.
Inheritance: I call it inheritance. People who grow up witnessing their father beat their mother are likely to have the fun of beating women. Guys who grow up from a broad nuclear family (father married many wives) are likely going to have the difficulty of living with one partner. They don’t see any problem having to be with many women. The earlier such people pay attention to themselves and restrain, the better.
Old Flames: It’s amazing how people are running to their exs these days for counsel. But it’s always true that “someone who has loved you before can never be your friend”. These people always know how to find their ways around you, aside there being a child in-between you 2 its always dangerous to keep exs around. Even when there is a binding feature (baby, business venture, etc) you should have your limits. Its causing people to cheat before they feel bad for it.
Payback Time: You surprised? Ask ten of your friends and see how many of them will pay back if their partners cheat. Its crazy, I mean why would any reasonable person break his windscreen because his partner broke hers. Yes that’s what it means, people are cheating as a payback.
We could go on and on and on. The reason; people have their personal reasons why they cheat. What might tempt me might not tempt you, but basically they all go round what I have posted. There is a second part of this where we will discuss how to resolve the problems we have come out with. And I believe by the end of this discussion we could help prevent ourselves from cheating and being cheated on. You can put up your comments if you have any questions or additions to make, thanks for your time.
by: Dada Kwadwo